you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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