I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
