I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
