Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
