I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
pop tarts are not kleenex
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize