girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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