What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
