end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
