her vagine was all disorganized.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
