somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
