My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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