At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
