I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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