You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
