I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
