I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
