Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize