it was like his penis was on wheels.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
