My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
