I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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