dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
