made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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