My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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