I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
handjob tips. give me some.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm passing your future prison.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize