You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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