a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's just like the Real World with babies
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
