Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
