my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
