But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
