feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
