i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize