Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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