Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
i believe in u and ur pee
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize