What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize