I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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