she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
