Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize