I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
