Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
third nipple confirmed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
