I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
