i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
