dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
