your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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