Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
