All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
