The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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