I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
