So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
