he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
