Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
