Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
