i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
