google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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