It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
