Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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