you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
