Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
