I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
