He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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