you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
