do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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