You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
it's like iHOP with fire
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
