So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
