Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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