Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
