I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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