if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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