coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize