I wannas sexs uuuuu
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
