listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
