K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
