I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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