I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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