Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize