we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
