i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize