So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
