I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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