sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
